In a life that has too much plot, I survived a plane crash

A crash, an envelope of cash and mourning every possible version of herself are the basis of her new Edinburgh fringe show ‘Legacy’ writes Australian comic Michelle Brasier.

I was recently in a plane crash. Well. Listen. Sorry for the dramatics but the pilot called it a crash so I have started calling it a crash because he had an authoritative American accent and I’m what the industry refers to as “just a little girl”. I am from the city of Wagga Wagga, teen pregnancy capital of Australia. If you don’t know me, I am a comedian. I am reasonably well known from TV and the internet (the evil TV of the future) and I have a potentially life-shortening genetic situation that makes me live laugh love Lindsay Lohan etc. Back to the plane!

We’re flying home from Edinburgh Fringe and we’re in turbulence. It’s pretty hectic but I’ve convinced myself I’m not afraid of flying (Well - I got a prescription for valium which is similar) so I’m mostly okay with it but now something seems different. We’re coming in to land in Washington DC and the plane is being thrown around the sky.

We bounce, we bounce again and then the plane sort of flips up onto its wing which is digging into the earth alongside the tarmac. The plane takes back off into what is now very clearly a storm. The pilots say nothing for ten minutes. The cabin is full of crying, screaming, praying Americans and I am weighing up messaging my mum to say goodbye. We land in Baltimore half an hour later and as fire trucks and ambulances zoom over to our plane I am struck by an incredible urge to run.

“I am constantly mourning all the women I never was” Michelle Brasier

I feel like running (not physically running - I like myself!) when I am worried I have missed something. Feeling like I might die jolted me into all the versions of myself that I will never live. The show I’m performing at the fringe this year is called Legacy. It’s about what you leave behind and the pressure to have children in a world that doesn’t give us enough time to explore all the versions of ourselves let alone a little clone that cries and screams and shits its pants (and that’s why I don’t go to music festivals anymore). I am constantly mourning all the women I never was. I wanted to be a singer songwriter and mope around mysteriously like Cassie from Skins. But I will never be mysterious. I tell my life story publicly all the time. People see me and shout quotes from comedy sketches I am in at me in the street, I have just written a memoir. I will never be Cassie from Skins. I had to sacrifice her to be Michelle from the tele.

I became Michelle from the tele because I wanted to be a musical theatre diva but I am a rubbish dancer that grew into her face around 25 years old. I learned that you can get into a musical by being famous. So I did that instead. And the people in the shows I do will never know that I desperately wanted to be in the ensemble but they were all better than me so I made jokes and that was just easier. I will never be the chorus girl who became an understudy and by sheer luck made her debut the night someone ‘important’ was in.

“There will always be poodles” Michelle Brasier

And I had all of these dreams because I wanted to get out of Wagga Wagga and prove that I wasn’t like my peers who would settle down and get married and stay in the comfortable town with a house and 2.5 kids all called Brayden. But the truth is that version of me could have been so happy. I don’t feel maternal except for towards dogs. I think the most I’ve ever felt like I’ve really ‘seen’ myself is looking at a full standard poodle with the show cut. Still, kids are sweet and funny. There is no shame in choosing comfort. But the itch to run, to become every version of me is suffocating and so I did not stay and so I am constantly on planes and travelling the world but never seeing the cities I perform in just the studios and the theatres. It’s all very glamorous but also I did shit myself that one time (as I’ve said, I don’t go to music festivals any more!).

Which leads us back to the plane crash. On the flight, I had been messaging a woman with my exact same name trying to find out if she was the rightful owner of a mystery envelope of cash with my name on it which had been handed to me months before at a cinema. I had asked for my tickets and the staff couldn’t find them - but could find this envelope. They handed me a challenge: to find this woman. She was a mystery and I was obsessed with her. I’d never met someone with my name before and I felt like maybe she might be a long lost version of myself. Cassie from skins but in a musical and also settled down with three kids called Brayden. My first thought when I felt I might die was that I was afraid I might never get to meet her. And I think there is something poetic in that. The fear of dying before getting to meet yourself. And so I keep running and I won’t settle down and I will be old and lonely when my partner dies in the old age home with no children to visit me. Except the poodles. There will always be poodles.

Michelle Brasier: Legacy will be performed at 7pm in Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose (Doonstairs) from 31st July – 26th August (Not 14th)

Enjoyed this article? Follow Huck on Instagram.

Support stories like this by becoming a member of Club Huck.

Latest on Huck

Elderly man with glasses, white hair, and suit; young woman with long brown hair playing electric guitar on stage in green jacket.
Activism

Bernie Sanders introduces Clairo at Coachella, urging young Americans to “stand up for justice”

Coachella charmed — The Vermont Senator praised the singer-songwriter for her efforts in raising awareness of women’s rights issues and Gaza.

Written by: Isaac Muk

Vans

The Changing Face Of Brooklyn, New York’s Most Colourful Borough

After three decades spent capturing stories around the world, Magnum Photographer Alex Webb finally decided to return home to Brooklyn – a place that champions chaos, diversity and community spirit.

Written by: Alex Webb / Magnum Photos

Black and white image of subway carriage interior with sleeping man seated on bench
Culture

The mundane bliss of New York’s subways in the ’70s

NYC Passengers 1976-1981 — During a very different decade in NYC, which bounced between rich creativity and sketchiness, photographer Joni Sternbach captured the idiosyncratic isolation found on its rail networks.

Written by: Miss Rosen

A man playing a guitar whilst a horse stands beside him in a rocky, moonlit landscape.
Music

Analogue Appreciation: lullahush

Ithaca — In an ever more digital, online world, we ask our favourite artists about their most cherished pieces of physical culture. Today, it’s Irish retro-futurist lullahush.

Written by: lullahush

Two people of unidentified gender intimately embracing and kissing on a bed.
Culture

Spyros Rennt captures connection and tenderness among Berlin’s queer youth

Intertwined — In the Greek photographer’s fourth photobook, he lays out spreads of togetherness among his friends and the German capital’s LGBTQ+ party scene.

Written by: Isaac Muk

Surfers against sewage protest box floating in water with people swimming around it.
© Alex Brown / Surfers Against Sewage
Sport

The rebellious roots of Cornwall’s surfing scene

100 years of waveriding — Despite past attempts to ban the sport from beaches, surfers have remained as integral, conservationist presences in England’s southwestern tip. A new exhibition in Falmouth traces its long history in the area.

Written by: Ella Glossop

Signup to our newsletter

Sign up to our newsletter to informed with the cutting edge of sport, music and counterculture, featuring personal takes on the state of media and pop culture from Emma Garland, former Digital Editor of Huck, exclusive interviews, recommendations and more.

Please wait...

Accessibility Settings

Text

Applies the Open Dyslexic font, designed to improve readability for individuals with dyslexia.

Applies a more readable font throughout the website, improving readability.

Underlines links throughout the website, making them easier to distinguish.

Adjusts the font size for improved readability.

Visuals

Reduces animations and disables autoplaying videos across the website, reducing distractions and improving focus.

Reduces the colour saturation throughout the website to create a more soothing visual experience.

Increases the contrast of elements on the website, making text and interface elements easier to distinguish.