What Netflix did next: Mötley Crüe and a lot of cocaine

Are you still watching? — Writer Megan Nolan bravely ventures into Netflix’s Original releases, in an attempt to figure out if anything is even worth our time anymore. This week, it’s ridiculous rock biopic The Dirt and drug odyssey doc The Legend Of Cocaine Island.

The Dirt

I couldn’t name or even hum a single Mötley Crüe song, but they did have a stark and harrowing impact on my sexual awakening as a child. I was reading one of those glossy Dad Rock magazines like Q or Mojo when I was 12 or so, and it quoted an excerpt from The Dirt, the famously excessive tell-all autobiography recounting all the band’s kerr-a-zy antics. The passage in question involved Tommy Lee taking two women out to dinner and then penetrating them under the table with an empty wine bottle, a detail too profoundly reality-shattering for my pubescent brain to comprehend or, evidently, ever forget. “Is… is that what sex is like?” I wondered frantically. “Indeed, is that what… fancy restaurants are like?”

Anyway, this adaptation of the book is winning all manner of scathing reviews, for being irrelevant and archaic and just plain trashy. To which I say: I agree, and it’s epic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a bad and stupid film and doing almost literally anything else would be better for you than watching it, but at the same time, is it so stupid that it made me laugh quite a few times? Frankly yes!

It’s madly atonal, edging towards Spinal Tap-esque self awareness at times but never quite committing, then careening back to the weirdly po-faced angsty drama, rendered so poorly that no matter what atrocity is taking place you can’t help but smirk at it. Genuinely even the part where a child dies of cancer is so overwrought and mad that you can’t take it seriously or be sad.

In its favour, Douglas Booth as Nikki Sixx could certainly, and is far more attractive than any of the actual band members. What’s mind-boggling is looking back at that time, the way they looked and dressed and acted, and thinking, “This? This is what made thousands of women want to shag you? You’re wearing a large top hat emblazoned with “ROCK” spelled out in diamonte studs.” However, Douglas Booth does also have the smooth and perfectly structured, exquisitely maintained face of what he is – which is an English boy with a dad who was the director of Deutsche Bank. He looks posh, basically, and not like someone who snorts heroin off a stripper’s nether regions in a toilet.

Booth as Sixx has the film’s best moment, a moment so utterly pure and stunning that I rewound to play it four times over. Vince Neil’s just been in a car crash in which English drummer Razzle was killed, and Sixx is explaining why he hasn’t been around to support him. “I’d fallen head over heels in love,” a ponderous voiceover whispers, as he sits in a dimly lit club booth with a naked woman swaying in front of him. “And she was the sweetest thing I’d ever known. She made me feel all the warmth and happiness I never knew as a child. Her name…….was heroin.”

That’s just good stuff, I’m sorry! You thought it was the woman with the bare arse, but it was the tray of heroin she was holding!

HOW MANY POPCORNS OUT OF TEN? 🍿🍿❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌

WORTH A WATCH WHEN SOBER? Absolutely not, but yes at the same time

WORTH A WATCH WHEN HUNGOVER/ DRUNK? Yes, it’s so bad that it will make you feel  nothing at all, so good hangover fodder

The Legend of Cocaine Island

This is an over-produced but funny and inventive documentary. It unfortunately relies on far too much reconstruction, but it’s a good story with enough bizarre turns and characters that it’s worth a watch. Rodney Hyden was one of the many who lost everything after the 2008 recession. Formerly a thriving housing contractor with a fancy house and a boat and all that good stuff, he and his wife and daughter moved to a double-wide on a dirt road in Florida when it all came crashing down. There he made the acquaintance of various local oddballs, one of whom had an incredible story.

Julian, a simple-living old hippy, was vacationing in Puerto Rico when a waterproof bag filled with cocaine surfaced. Not knowing what to do with it, he buried it and went back home to Florida. For fifteen years, the story was a local legend, but nobody made any attempt to retrieve it, until Rodney, driven to the end of his tether by financial desperation, hatched a plan.

I think I liked this film despite its flaws because Rodney is such a compelling, empathetic person, and also such a big idiot. When he makes connections with local drug dealers, he is openly awed by the aesthetic trappings of being a gangster – the clothes, the booze, the smooth talk. He starts manically parroting Scarface quotes at one point in excitement. He is no natural criminal, just someone who stumbled upon a once-in-a-lifetime chance for a payday. Despite imagining that we might slip smoothly into an Ocean’s Eleven-style groove were we thrust into such a position, the reality is that we would all be like Rodney – making a tit of ourselves by asking for a go in the druglord’s private jet.

HOW MANY POPCORNS OUT OF TEN? 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿❌❌❌❌

WORTH A WATCH WHEN SOBER? Yes

WORTH A WATCH WHEN HUNGOVER/ DRUNK? Yes tbh! We stan an entrepreneurial but bumbling would-be criminal.

Follow Megan Nolan on Twitter.

Enjoyed this article? Like Huck on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.


You might like

England football supporters celebrating in stadium stands wearing white jerseys, red and white hats, and face paint whilst cheering.
Sport

Lionesses Euro final win draws the UK’s most watched 2025 TV moment

Bringing it home again — 12.2 million people tuned in to watch England women’s football team beat out Spain on the BBC, with a strong showing from young fans.

Written by: Ella Glossop

Two magazines with "VOICE" branding - one with white text on black background, another with red oval logo on dark cover featuring partial face.
Culture

A new documentary traces the rise, fall and cratering of VICE

VICE is broke — Streaming on MUBI, it’s presented by chef and filmmaker Eddie Huang, who previously hosted travel and food show Huang’s World for the millennial media giant.

Written by: Ella Glossop

Portrait of a bald man with glasses and a beard, set against a blurred background.
Activism

Misan Harriman: “The humanity I bear witness to is extraordinary”

Shoot the People — Following the premiere of a new film exploring the photographer’s work and driving forces, we caught up with him to chat about his rapid rise, shooting protests and the need for powerful documentarians in times of struggle.

Written by: Isaac Muk

Snowy mountain peak, cloudy sky, people on horseback in a field
Sport

In The Road to Patagonia, Matty Hannon holds “a mirror to the human condition”

From tip to tip — More than a surf and travel documentary, the Australian filmmaker meditates on capitalism’s pitfalls and the importance of existing within nature while embarking on a marathon journey from Alaska to Tierra del Fuego.

Written by: Sam Haddad

Black and white image of several people in suits, some with long hair and unconventional appearances, alongside a large ship or boat model. Text overlaid: "FREAKS AND FINANCES".
Culture

On Alexander Skarsgård’s trousers, The Rehearsal, and the importance of weirdos

Freaks and Finances — In the May edition of our monthly culture newsletter, columnist Emma Garland reflects on the Swedish actor’s Cannes look, Nathan Fielder’s wild ambition, and Jafaican.

Written by: Emma Garland

Close-up view of a woman in a vintage pose, with flowing hair and an outstretched hand, set against a hazy, scenic background.
© Peter Palladino, courtesy of the Peter Palladino Archive.
Culture

Remembering Holly Woodlawn, Andy Warhol muse and trans trailblazer

Love You Madly — A new book explores the actress’s rollercoaster life and story, who helped inspire Lou Reed’s ‘Walk on the Wild Side’.

Written by: Miss Rosen

Huck is supported by our readers, subscribers and Club Huck members. It is also made possible by sponsorship from:

Signup to our newsletter

Sign up to our newsletter to informed with the cutting edge of sport, music and counterculture, featuring personal takes on the state of media and pop culture from Emma Garland, former Digital Editor of Huck, exclusive interviews, recommendations and more.

Please wait...