My life as an LGBTQ asylum seeker in the UK

Miss­ing Voic­es is a new series from Huck cen­tring and plat­form­ing the voic­es of those ignored or left out of some of the biggest debates in pol­i­tics. 

Back in my home coun­try I was per­se­cut­ed and tor­tured. They not only attacked my iden­ti­ty as an LGBTQIA+ per­son, but my very exis­tence as a human being. Because of what hap­pened to me, I had to flee my home and leave every­thing behind.

My life before was a very dark place. I was open­ly per­se­cut­ed, abused and vio­lat­ed all because I refused to con­form to the rule of a cru­el gov­ern­ment. I found myself in com­plete des­per­a­tion and despair, strug­gling with phys­i­cal and severe men­tal trauma.

Right now, I’m more set­tled in my mind. But I still expe­ri­ence flash­backs of the dark­er times in my life. But I do now see hope in my future. For the first time, I have ambi­tion to focus my life on con­tribut­ing to soci­ety and giv­ing back to oth­er peo­ple who’ve expe­ri­enced tor­ture and persecution.

Being an LGBTQIA+ per­son in the UK has been a won­der­ful expe­ri­ence for me – it’s such a com­plete night and day sit­u­a­tion from where I’ve come from. Before I lived in fear con­stant­ly as there is dan­ger at every cor­ner should you ever reveal your true self in anyway.

Since I’ve been in the UK, I’ve been able to take part in Pride march­es. And I’ve felt total­ly elat­ed. I’ve been so hap­pi­ly sur­prised to be gen­er­al­ly accept­ed by the British pub­lic – many of whom join the march­es and show their uncon­di­tion­al sup­port. I’ll nev­er for­get the first Pride march I took part in. I paint­ed and car­ried colour­ful ban­ners and plac­ards, send­ing a clear mes­sage of love and acceptance.

Although this Gov­ern­ment is more tol­er­ant than the one I fled from, some of the things I hear the peo­ple in pow­er say­ing fright­ens me. Just last year, the then Home Sec­re­tary Suel­la Braver­man said that ​‘being gay is not enough to claim asy­lum’ and that many peo­ple are lying about their sex­u­al­i­ty to ​“game” the UK asy­lum system.

I was so incred­i­bly sad­dened to hear this. LGT­BQIA+ peo­ple are tor­tured in many coun­tries around the world for who they are and who they love. Their pain is no less than any oth­er refugee. And we deserve pre­cise­ly the same pro­tec­tion too.

When things like this hap­pen, it feels like all my fear – like a noose around my neck – is once again tight­en­ing. I’m not only scared for myself, but for oth­er refugees who face the very real threat of being returned to unbear­able dis­crim­i­na­tion, per­se­cu­tion, oppres­sion, and in some cas­es even death. Com­ments like this real­ly high­light the com­plete lack of com­pas­sion and under­stand­ing by the cur­rent UK Government.

The anti-refugee rhetoric and sen­ti­ment in the UK some­times threat­ens to send me into the depths of despair. It makes me feel like I’m in a dingy in the sea bounc­ing along hold­ing onto the ropes as anoth­er wave of hope­less­ness hits me. It can feel like the peo­ple in charge of this gov­ern­ment only want to pun­ish us – peo­ple like me who’ve fled war and tor­ture – and pre­tend like we’re not just human beings try­ing to find a safe har­bour, recov­er, rebuild our lives, and con­tribute to society.

Can there not be more under­stand­ing on how dif­fi­cult the UK asy­lum sys­tem is for peo­ple who’ve fled unimag­in­able things? It’s such a yoyo expe­ri­ence – to not know for some­times years on end where you might stand, or what might hap­pen next. I can’t tell you the tremen­dous impact that this has had on my phys­i­cal and men­tal well­be­ing. Wait­ing in lim­bo for a deci­sion on my claim is the hard­est thing.

The UK has his­tor­i­cal­ly been a bea­con for jus­tice and fair­ness which has now been total­ly thrown aside. The Gov­ern­ment is now dri­ving peo­ple away from these shores no mat­ter what the cost. The peo­ple who are arriv­ing are men, women and chil­dren who’ve already been through so much. His­to­ry will judge the UK harsh­ly on this and how it con­tin­ues to destroy the very foun­da­tion of British jus­tice and inter­na­tion­al law.

I have seen with my own eyes and expe­ri­enced that most peo­ple in the UK are kind and want the peo­ple flee­ing inde­scrib­able hor­rors to be treat­ed with com­pas­sion. I’ve also seen how the British pub­lic are turn­ing away from the Government’s cru­el­ty – just a few weeks ago we saw how many peo­ple turned up stop the Home Office immi­gra­tion round ups in Lon­don. Even when so many are expe­ri­enc­ing per­son­al dif­fi­cul­ties with the cost-of-liv­ing cri­sis and the gross unfair­ness in our soci­ety, all they want to do is extend a hand of love and under­stand­ing. If it were not for this – and for the var­i­ous organ­i­sa­tions like Free­dom From Tor­ture who’ve sup­port­ed me over the years – I don’t think I could have gone on.

King is a client at Free­dom from Tor­ture. 

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